2012

You know after 11 years Matthew is still at the front of my mind. I have a small shelf in our bookcase with his items and picture. My son and I go through it every now and then. I think about what he would be doing now if he was here on earth. How are lives would be different. It doesn't consume me. When I think about him my chest still gets a little tight, but not painful. I stopped going to his grave. I stop by about twice/three times a year. He is in my heart and in my sight so I don't feel the need to go to his grave like I use to. I can't believe how much my thoughts do wander to him though. It's not like when I think of him is for hours or everyday. I just see something in the news or a friend or family member says something that reminds me of him and the thought flood in for a couple of minutes and it's usually a peaceful thought not a depressing thought. My love for him is as full as the day he was born.