Hopital Moments

The day we lost Matthew, November 2, 2001, my family was there. Local: my sister/husband, my brother/wife, and my closest friends Tané/Archie. North Carolina: my aunt and my cousin. I remember loving to hold Matthew. They tell you that at ANYTIME I can buzz them and let them know I want to hold him and they would go get him for me. When my family members arrived, I remember thinking “why would they want to hold a dead baby." That sounds harsh referring to Matthew that way, but that is exactly what I thought. I was his mother so that was different and I had never been on either side of the fence in a situation like this. I let everyone know that they were going to bring Matthew in and if anyone did not want to hold him or needed to leave the room that I truly understood and they would not hurt my feeling. Everyone in my family held him and talked to him. My aunt asked if it was all right if she sat in the rocking chair and sang to him, because that is what she dreamed of doing. That touches my heart to this day that she asked me if it was okay.
I do wish I would have thought of getting pictures of everyone holding Matthew, but just didn’t think about it at the time. The hospital staff was wonderful. I stayed on the maternity ward until I went home. They said I could move to a different floor, but I new I would get more attention on this floor and I was still recovery from my heart failure (by the way no after effects from that. Me and my heart or great.) I think it was definitely the right decision for me. They put me at the end of the hall and had a note on my door so all staff knew I had lost Matthew.